i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
last night I used snow as a chaser
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
