he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
