Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
