We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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