Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
