i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You made out with two different species that night
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You've changed since you got that strap on
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