How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
