I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
