I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
