No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
