Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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