these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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