just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
