is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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