sarcasm needs its own font
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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