drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
