i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so let's talk penis.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sext me about skeletons
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
