i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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