just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
