And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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