Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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