bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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