take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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