I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
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Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
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What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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