I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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