You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
