So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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