he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
