What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
