What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
