I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
