Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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