I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
