Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
