its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
zippers are such a cool invention
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
