I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
