i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
