she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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