doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
