she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
