First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The air was thick with penises
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
