Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
