my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize