im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
