Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
