I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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