can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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