You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
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Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
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Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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