I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
