Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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