I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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