these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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