then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
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Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
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Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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