i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
