best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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