Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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