Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
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He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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