she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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