shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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