Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
