I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I'm really busy with my period
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