OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
BRING THE BAGELS
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
