She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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