the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
this is an emotional support booty call
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
