i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
