I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
