i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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