Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
