Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
