some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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