Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
