Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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