We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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