I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
