Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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