they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Need sex. Gaining weight.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
