ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.