I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over