super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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