Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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