I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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