My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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