honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
